Funniest Newspaper Classifieds (Actual excerpts from classified sections of city newspapers)

From ListOf

1. Stock up and save. Limit: one.
2. Illiterate? Write today for free help.
3. Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included.
4. Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again.
5. 3-year old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred.
6. Great Dames for sale.
7. Wanted. Widower with school age children requires person to assume general housekeeping duties. Must be capable of contributing to growth of family.
8. Vacation Special: have your home exterminated.
9. Christmas tag-sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person.
10. Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated. Come here first.
11. Get rid of aunts. Zap does the job in 24 hours.
12. Man, honest. Will take anything.
13. Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.
14. Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.
15. Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating
16. For sale: antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.
17. Tired of cleaning yourself. Let me do it.
18. Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.
19. We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.
20. Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops!