Other Saddam Prison Complaints

From ListOf

1. I didn't make the prison soccer team because of "political reasons."
2. This prison doesn't have a cool nickname like "Gitmo" or "The Rock."
3. I haven't received a care package from Kofi in months.
4. I'm not allowed to put up pictures from my Playboy: Girl's of Mesopotamia issue.
5. Sean Penn keeps coming by with his personal photographer.
6. The voting machines in here are rigged. No matter how many times they recounted the ballots, they kept insisting that I only received 1 vote for "President of The Prison", not the 99% that I normally get when running.
7. No matter how much I insist on being addressed as "President Hussein" or "The True Iraqi President", those smart-aleck American guards keep calling me things like "Captain Ass-Master" and "Your Royal Camelphile."
8. They won't give me a night light.
9. All of a sudden George Galloway won't take my collect calls.
10. That Ramsey Clark is a bit too anti-American for my tastes.
11. The rape rooms in this prison are way different, and far less enjoyable, than the ones I used to run.
12. I haven't heard from those two ingrate sons of mine in years.