Things to Do While Ordering a Pizza

From ListOf

1. Do not name the toppings you want. Rather, spell them out.
2. Put an extra edge in your voice when you say "crazy bread."
3. Put them on hold.
4. Rattle off your order with a determined air. If they ask if you would like drinks with that, panic and become disoriented...
5. Report a petty theft to the order taker.
6. Ask for the guy who took your order last time.
7. Be vague in your order. When they ask what you'd like on your pizza say, "Oh, a little of this, a little of that..."
8. Say hello, act stunned for five seconds, then behave as if they called you.
9. If they repeat the order to make sure they have it right, say "OK. That'll be $10.99; please pull up to the first window."
10. Ask if you get to keep the pizza box. When they say yes, heave a sigh of relief.
11. Put the accent on the last syllable of "pepperoni." Use the long "i" sound.
12. Tell them to double-check to make sure your pizza is, in fact, dead.
13. Say it's your anniversary and you'd appreciate if the deliverer hid behind some furniture waiting for your spouse to arrive so you can surprise him/her.
14. Terminate the call with, "Remember, we never had this conversation."
15. In your breathiest voice, tell them to cut the jazz about nutrition and ask if they have something outlandishly sinful.
16. When the order is repeated, change it slightly. When it is repeated again, change it again. On the third time, say, "You just don't get it, do you?"
17. When they say, "Will that be all?" snicker and say "We'll find out, won't we?"
18. State your order and say that's as far as this relationship is going to get.
19. If he/she suggests a side order, ask why he/she is punishing you.
20. If he/she suggests anything, adamantly declare, "I shall not be swayed by your sweet words."